Amma’s sojourn

The Supreme Personality of Godhead said: While speaking learned words, you are mourning for what is not worthy of grief. Those who are wise lament neither for the living nor for the dead.

Bhagavad Gita

Just over a week back my grandmother whom I fondly called 'Amma' passed away. I tried to give as much love, care and support as was possible for the last one month or so to make her existence as painless as possible. To see someone, couple of months shy of her nineties, withstanding the strain of dialysis (for details see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dialysis) week after week was enough torture for my young mind. Her inner strength and will to live gave us hope at times, but we all knew deep down in our hearts that we were losing the battle against nature.

Yes we lost her and it was difficult to witness her being shoved into an electric furnace (quite unceremoniously considering she is niece of Netaji Subhas Chandra Bose). It took all but 45 minutes to reduce her to ashes. It is important to remember though, that it was only a body that the soul used to justify its existence in this world. As long as she lived, apart from the last few years of struggle, she personified the 'joy of living'. At the end of it all I salute her spirit and feel happy that she did not have to withstand for long, the pain the last few years gave her.

I was very young when I lost my grandfather. So in a way this was the first death I witnessed so closely. I saw many things that I wished I would have never seen. I saw real tears and also the lack of it. It hurts but it is true. As humans become more civilized I continue to see more and more pretence. People offer 'condolences' and feel 'sorry' without really feeling 'sorry'. Sure I do see some really close people feel a great sense of grief, but they are too few for someone who lived almost ninety years. Nevertheless what is comforting is the thought that she had many more close people who are no more with us. And there are few wise people who are feeling better off not to see or hear about her suffer any more.

Last couple of months was particularly strenuous for me. I had tough deadlines to meet at work, with some really long nights. It played havoc with my body clock; who else writes a blog at 3am? The stress has been both physical and mental. Apart from the stress and strain at work and some uncertainties of long term travel and its arrangements, as custom would have it I also had to withstand some meaningless ceremonies. Do not get hurt if you believe in ceremonies like 'Shradh' and 'Niyambhonga' (where friends and family gather to offer condolences and have lunch). I hated all that from a very young age and it's simply a personal belief. Gather and eat if you are celebrating something. Why if someone's dead? Hopefully there would be more people who would also believe the same way.

My father worked tirelessly and arranged for all the rituals. I am not sure whether he truly believes it or was it a sign of respect for 'Amma'. Either way he did everything as custom would require him to do. I deeply respect him for not what he did but the way he did it. I helped him due to this respect though my heart was not fully there for what followed beyond the electric furnace.

If you believe in afterlife and believe in the philosophies of the soul and the spirit then you know that each life enriches the 'Causal Body' which is a part of the soul. In simple terms 'Causal Body' is a depository of experience for each life that we live. This is what makes our soul 'older' or wiser. Death therefore is an enriching experience and that should be enough for us to move on once the body is cremated.